Category Archives: Parody

A Hard Storm

The short Moby about a long Dick

by Sean Buck and Claire McKeever, staff writers; illustration by Julia DeWitt, staff artist

Harlequin romance novels place the primary plot emphasis on idealized romantic love between two individuals and feature a female protagonist. The common theme of these novels is female satisfaction and the idealized male form. But why confine this beloved, steamy, and often humorous genre to such a narrow range of subject matter? The modern genre began with the publication of Kathleen Woodiwiss’s The Flame and the Flower in 1972 and gained popularity throughout the 1980s. Today, romance novels sell better than any other type of book. Hopefully, through this adaptation of Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick, we will entertain you with a steamy interpretation of a classic novel. We know you were thinking about the sexual tension all along. Enjoy.

The sun rose crimson from the eastern horizon as another day dawned on the Pequod. Though a storm brewed overhead, Ishmael was content in only his breeches. His rippling flesh pulled taut over his bulging, strapping muscles; his bodily perfection was apparent as he dutifully coiled the rope. The crew bustled around the ship, fastening the holds and securing all lines in preparation for the thunderheads that threatened ominously. The black-green seas foamed and hissed with the sound of the churning storm. Ishmael licked drops of salty water from his weathered lips as he contemplated the infinite expanse of water before him. He knew his worth on board—only 1/250th of the profits from the voyage would be his. Money meant little to him. He stood to gain much more—much, much more—from the trip. Trapped at sea for the past nine months, he had a hunger that yearned to be satiated. Continue reading


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