Celebrinati

The people we love are not what they seem

by Jitu Varansi, guest writer

The Illuminati lurk. Look hard enough and you can see the signs of the nefarious group everywhere. The All-Seeing Eye embedded in a pyramid—long a symbol of Illuminati conspiracy—is printed on every American one-dollar bill. Everyone from George Bush to Barack Obama has proclaimed to be part of a “New World Order,” three words that have long underwritten the goals of this conspiring organization. They hide their presence in mathematical puzzles that can always be reduced to the same horrifying digits: 6—6—6! The Illuminati hide behind every major political and historic event, pulling the strings from behind a curtain of secrecy. They are the shrouded puppet masters of the world, and we their unknowing puppets, operating under an illusion of freedom.

Or so the conspiracy theorists who rage over the Internet would like you to believe. For them, minor images become the very proof of a worldwide plot that has spanned more than three centuries. All images, whether seen in Homer Simpson’s gut or the blue horse sculpture that greets travelers to Denver International Airport, become the representations of some hidden truth that can only be understood by the few informed.

Their claims have some basis beyond paranoia. Theorists claim that at the dawn of the Enlightenment the Illuminati split from the Freemasons, a society that can be connected to William Taft, Harry S. Truman, Andrew Jackson, Mark Twain and even Nat King Cole. These men met together as Freemasons to enjoy fraternity without the historically dividing boundaries of race and religion. According to those who faithfully believe in (and look to expose) the Illuminati, the motivations for becoming a Freemason vary. Some Masons wanted nothing more than a safe place to hang out and talk politics. Some wanted to control the world. Others were seeking a space to worship Satan.

The believers are hard at work, outing not just politicians as members of this evil order, but idols of popular culture as well. Below are some of their discoveries about people we thought we knew.

The world is not what it seems. Be afraid.

Be very afraid.

Lady Gaga:

A lot of people are probably shocked about this one. Be assured, it’s no false accusation. From what I’ve gathered, this “woman” is extremely tight with the demon lord. If you look at any of her videos you’ll see forces working to seduce young vulnerable minds with occult influence. She often wears horns and has one eye covered, alluding to the Illuminati All-Seeing Eye. She fills her videos and performances with highly seductive sexual imagery, luring us to submit to her power through her intoxicating spell. Most logically, this can all be interpreted as Gaga’s obsession with the corruption of youth or, as is far more likely, dedication to the antichrist. Ignorant people might try to convince you that these things are part of an “image” or simply for “entertainment” value—don’t buy into it. These people have most likely already been converted and are beyond hope.

Jay-Z:

The poster boy for celebrity occult status. If Lady Gaga is a terrier of the Illuminati, he’s a Rottweiler.  His iconic “Diamond” hand sign symbolizes the Illuminati’s All-Seeing Eye, and the logo for his clothing line contains it as well. His most recent videos are chock full of tongue-in-cheek demonic imagery, such as animal skulls, black crows, and a sinister clown. So far, this all points in one clear direction—down to hell. Another blatant example is a line from his hit song “Empire State of Mind,” in which he says, “If Jesus can’t save you / life starts where the church ends.” It practically screams, “Look, I’m in a secret cult, please arrest me.” In a recent song titled “Free Mason,” he denies everything: “I said I was amazing / I never said I was a mason.” Definitely sounds like overcompensation.

President Barack Obama:

That’s right, terrifying. But, if you think about it, it makes a heap of sense. Who better to fulfill the Illuminati goal of New World Order than the Commander-in-Chief himself? In the past, he’s been accused of being a Muslim terrorist, a socialist and more. I guess all of this has been distracting the public from the truth. His bandwagon popularity and appeal to the kids has certainly been part of a plan to control the minds of the public. (Maybe that’s why he’s in all those rap songs!) According to the eternally reliable rushlimbaughsites.com, Obama has stacked his cabinet with members of secret elite organizations. His master plan reportedly involves merging the United States, Mexico, and Canada into a North American empire. Now we know what he meant by “Yes, We Can.”

Kobe Bryant:

Even the world of sports entertainment has been infiltrated by the twisted Illuminati. Among those paving the way for the dark side of the league is Kobe himself. Not only is he a highly talented athlete, he is also one of the most well paid and respected people of our time. For any skeptics: there is plenty of proof for this one. Proof that involves numbers, so it’s certainly undeniable. For example, Kobe is 6’ 6” (surely an intended satanic reference) and was drafted in 1996. If you flip those two 9s upside down, it becomes “1-666”—I know—I couldn’t believe it either. On top of this, Kobe was the 13th overall pick (the number of Illuminati bloodlines) and scored 81 points during his 666th regular season game. 81 reversed is 18, which is 6 + 6 + 6. You’re not fooling anyone, Kobe.

 

Celebrinati (PDF)

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Celebrinati

  1. phil

    actually this is a very interesting article, Jitu really makes some interesting points. keep this up man, i really enjoyed it!

  2. Kate

    Don’t be afraid of them – stand up to them, just like you did by writing this article. When they’re confronted with the truth, they flee. If you keep searching for the truth, you’ll eventually find it in Jesus Christ. After you’ve found Jesus, nothing can stop you. As it’s written on Palmer Hall – “Ye shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

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